Clunky and Amateurish but with Potential

I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so to date, I have written two complete short stories which I first wrote many years ago. Since then, they've been in a constant state of revision because they lack a certain je ne sais quoi for publishing. I wish other writers were as self aware: Amazon is currently filled with published novels that are truly the works of amateur writers. One such amateur work is Molly Ringwald's When It Happens to You: A Novel in Stories (2012). At $1.99 at the time of purchase, it was a good deal.

This "novel in stories" is made up of eight interconnected short stories, unified by Greta or Phillip, the central characters introduced in the opening story. It is they who launch the novel's theme: When life throws you a curve ball, how do you cope "when it happens to you"? In this case, life throws Greta a curve ball when she learns that her husband, whom she has been struggling to have a second child with, has been having an affair with the babysitter. How cliche.

The rest of the stories--snapshots, really--alternate between Greta and Phillip and other characters who are also going through growth and transition in their lives. Through these other characters' experiences, we also learn a bit more about how Greta and Phillip try to move on with their lives. The novel ends without any concrete resolution, reflective of real life.

The biggest problem with this book is that it really should not have been published as is. The writing is clunky, with many forced attempts at using unnecessary SAT vocabulary and too much description in an attempt to create imagery. It suffers from a lack of show with too many tells. Here are examples of what I mean: 

•  "He scanned the sky, searching for a sign of the moon. The setting sun cast a reddish glow over everything, briefly turning his blond hair rosy-colored, like the frosted pink mane of one of their daughter's stuffed ponies."
• "...So Greta felt perpetually obliged to invite her to sit down, offer her food, and question her about her life, only to receive the same elusive monosyllabic answers. Their conversations inevitably dwindled into silence within minutes."
• "As they neared the exit, the mist had begun to dissipate. Sunshine was burrowing through gaps in the bushes and trees."

These types of descriptions are constant and throughout. In addition, the novel suffers from a lack of variety in narrative voice. While each story is from the perspective of a different character, all the narrative voices remain the same: Greta's voice is indistinguishable from that of her mother (Ilse), Phillip's, her boyfriend Peter's, or Marina's (Phillip's love interest). More puzzling is that each story, though supposedly standing on its own, ends abruptly. The only standout of the stories is the titular "When It Happens to You."

Molly Ringwald's When It Happens to You is her attempt at saying, "I don't only act, I can also write!" In the end, her writing and narrative style seem heavy-handed, resulting in a rather clunky and amateurish novel with, otherwise, great potential.